Funeral Righteous

Are you in the market for an automobile with plenty of room for kids as well as cadavers? Need a comfortable sedan that will strike terror in the hearts of elderly neighbors? Are you tired of that new-car smell because you'd really rather impress friends with the old-corpse smell? Does your therapist find your obsession with customized funeral vehicles strange and perverse?

If so, the friendly fiends at the Denver Hearse Association have just the event for you: Hearse Con 2008. Expect as many as 75 hearses from across the country to show up for the free three-day extravaganza, says organizer Zachary Helm. Today's meet-and-greet goes from 4 to 5 p.m. at Red & Jerry's, 1840 West Oxford Avenue in Sheridan, and the car show starts there tomorrow at 3 p.m.

"There are going to be some that are stock hearses with original paint and interiors," explains Helm. "Others are going to be modified with interesting paint jobs. People have added flamethrowers. One guy added a racing engine to his." Helm's own 1971 Cadillac hearse is decked out with giant steel bat wings and faux machine-gun cannons. Along with a music performance by Pandora Celtica, a swap meet and casket displays, Helm says the evening will feature "belly-dancing, fire performers and lots of barely clothed women" in the form of the Hearse Girls. For more information, go to www.hearseclub.com.
May 9-11, 2008